Bonnie was the big sister I never knew I wanted, or needed, but one I can’t imagine living without. In every journey I have navigated in the past 25 years Bonnie has either been in the front seat with me, supporting me, or in the back seat cheering me on.

I met the Cowans on Yom Kippur in 1997. I saw Elliot carrying a two-month-old Micah over his arm like a picture of a cat hanging over the branch of a tree, that used to hang in my grandparent’s basement with the caption “hang in there.” I asked Jason who that was and he pointed out the five members of the Cowan family: Elliot and Micah, Amalia, Marnina, and Bonnie. Little did I know then that these five individuals would fast become part of our family of choice as Jason and I started our new life together without any family locally.

There was a time when Jason and my relationship wasn’t yet public. One Shabbat morning, Bonnie said, “Hey, can I set Jason up with someone?” My response: “Please don’t!” She responded, “I knew it!” With a big laugh. She just wanted to get confirmation! One Shabbat afternoon at shul Bonnie took me aside when she saw a rather large bruise on my arm. She said, “Jason might have been our friend first, but you are our friend, and we want to know you are okay.” I looked down at my arm where I had given blood at work the day before and assured her all was well…she didn’t walk away from the difficult questions or topics of conversation.

Bonnie and Elliot took us in, as family, and we accepted. It was easy. Bonnie made it easy. She was kind, loving, direct, caring, and always ready with a laugh or an ear.

The 5 Cowans made the trip to Plainview NY for our wedding in September of 1999. There is some story about shoes ending up in the microwave while a friend babysat the 3 young Cowans, and Bonnie and Elliot helped make our simcha just that. My recollection from that day is always looking up and seeing Bonnie on a chair making sure she could see what was going on, and not missing anything. Bonnie didn’t miss anything. She got the small nuances of things, the subtleties, and the between-the-lines that so many don’t realize. She was always there and available, except when she couldn’t find her phone in her purse!

Of course, Bonnie helped us navigate each of my pregnancies. She was passionate about every person experiencing the birth they wanted, without judgment. She even taught our first birthing class! It was during one of those classes where she said something in passing that not only mentally got me through the trauma of Jacob’s birth but allowed me to control the time Aiden was born so I could get the bris slot I wanted (or so I thought).

“Even women in comas birth babies; your body knows what to do.”

She was at each of our children’s births helping create the environment I had envisioned, whether that was buttering up the nurses and keeping the mood light, or helping make sure Jason understood the cues he may not have gotten on his own.

I don’t know how I would have navigated being a working mom with four children without knowing I had Bonnie as my emergency backup. Without the Cowan family leading by example for mine.

Passover, 16 years ago, Bonnie and the entire Cowan/Fischer family taught me what a family of choice and community should look like. Jason and I went with our older children and my family to bury my grandmother who had been killed while visiting us. I left them with my two elderly grandparents, one with dementia, and my two youngest children, 18 months and 3 years old, during Pesach. I didn’t have to worry – Bonnie took care of everything.

She was amazing at coordinating. Whether it was preparing for a B’nai Mitzvah, or figuring out how to meet up in Barcelona on a random day in August – she could pull it off!

She was fantastic at thinking things through and planning for hiccups and the unexpected. Now, mind you, she didn’t always make her own life easy. She went to multiple stores to find the best products at the best prices, lost receipts on the way, and had to do extra leg work with returns. But that was Bonnie.

She had a special relationship with each of my children. She got to know them as individuals and let them know she was and would always be a safe space.

That special relationship didn’t end with our four biological children. It continued with our foster children, from the first two, X and Z, in 2019 – all the way through our 17^th and 18^th placements, Moe and Mr. T on March 3rd.

She expressed her love for you by making sure you had the resources and connections to make the best decision you can in the moment, by playing devil’s advocate… in the best way, and by feeding you, but most importantly by showing up, providing the listening ear, and sharing thoughtful words of encouragement, support, or comfort…intuitively knowing what you need.

My last words to Bonnie were “We love you.”

She responded, “More than could be measured.”

Bonnie, you loved us more than could be measured and your love for us is everlasting.

May we continue to shine your light in all the ways you led by example.