I know that often people portray themselves differently in different situations and children often behave one way at school/friend’s homes and another at home. Sometimes this is positive and sometimes, not so much!

Last year, when she was in first grade, her beloved teacher, Ms. H stopped me on the way up the walkway to school to tell me what a “pleasure it is to have her in class” and how she is “blessed” to have her…I love Ms. H – she really is a talented and loving teacher – she had Belle during one of her most difficult years and in my head it was almost like – she was getting rewarded with Bean after having Belle. Yes, it was totally in my head. Ms. H wrote in Bean’s report card – “(Bean) is the most soft-spoken, quiet…” really can’t tell you what else it said as there was no way they were talking about my child. People who are friends with our family laugh when I tell them that story, or people’s perception of Bean at school…they know her, they have seen her in action – it blows them away.

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I fear that we don’t give her as much positive feedback as she deserves – I started writing this post on Thursday, the day of her “Kabbalat Shabbat” (welcoming the sabbath) program in her class….but yesterday, Saturday we had another family with 4 children come over for lunch and a play-date for the afternoon. That can be a separate post, but what was one of the most powerful things that came out of seeing a family that very much mirrored ours in many ways, was how their third interacted with the family.

They described a child very much like Bean (although we have not seen him that way when we observe him at school or at our home), and what the parents also described was how the other children don’t give him the benefit of the doubt, “he will” or “he always”….

That is what happens to Bean. From all of us. She wants attention, any way she can get it – positive or negative. I need to be able to try to remember that – reward her amazing qualities and pay less attention to the “other stuff” to give her the praise she is able to get at school which probably does a lot to reinforce the positive behavior she shows.
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But Thursday, at school – we watched her shine. We watched her in her element with her face beaming

and her truly being a leader in the class.

And I felt it inside. I really did – and non more proud than when J blessed her, as he does every Friday night…but this was different.

She is a gift. Her ability to move and dance the ways she does is a gift, 2 years in remission is a gift. 

This is the picture of her I hope to keep in my mind, the picture of her that I would prefer to present her as to other people, the picture of her that I hope to reinforce with all the positive things we can do. 

Middle Child Syndrome – I believe in it. Both my parents are middle children, my sister Lolo is a middle child — My friend BP — I’ve watched it, I get it…one of the reasons I wanted 4 children…but I guess there is alway a middle-ish child. In our house Bean is it. I realized that I have yet to bring her up…poor kid!

To describe her…she is like an only child who didn’t get the memo that she was not only one of 4 — but the 3rd to be born. Bean loves attention, craves attetion and will do anything in her power to get it…possitive or negative. She messes with people, especially Puppy, to get them to do things with her, but makest them angry.

She loves adults- and loves to please us….but will tell us something she did wrong, even if it something so low on the do not do list/ or even something that is fine to do, but she decided it wasn’t — she tilts her head to the side, chin down, lip out, puppy dog eyes looking up and an ALMOST tear — saying “I am sorry I _________ mommy, I know you will be mad, I won’t do it again, I love you”

She is also the child, when I am angry at someone else or yelled for any reason — says “mommy I love you” in a shy quiet way.

But come time to take a picture, or stand still, or stop talking – FORGET IT!

She is a sweet, caring, BRILLIANT little girl, who gets people, loves life, loves everyone around her — she deserves the best – my prayer for her is that she accepts it as it comes her way.