My Grandfather’s Clock, 90 Years

Today, June 5th 2012 would have been my Grandpa J’s 90th Birthday. He has been gone almost 4 full years – but his spirit and legacy are still very much with us, every.day.

As I began to think about this day all I could think of was the song – “My Grandfather’s Clock” – for some crazy reason we sang it in a play in second grade – it was a “Father Time” play. Seems a little morbid looking back – but I remember DG dressed up as Father Time – and I have never forgotten the words to this song.

Grandpa’s Clock

My grandfather’s clock
Was too large for the shelf,
So it stood ninety years on the floor;
It was taller by half
Than the old man himself,
Though it weighed not a pennyweight more.
It was bought on the morn
Of the day that he was born,
And was always his treasure and pride;
But it stopped short
Never to go again,
When the old man died.
CHORUS:
Ninety years without slumbering,
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
His life seconds numbering,
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
It stopped short
Never to go again,
When the old man died.

My grandparents had an amazing clock in their living room – (so happened it was a ‘grandmother’ clock but still, it is big). The sound is magnificent – and the memories of watching Grandpa wind it fill my heart – it was almost ritualistic.

I worried, as a 7 year old, if this clock would stop working when my Grandpa died…and if it did, what would I have to remember him by.

The clock still works beautifully – and I love listening it to it whenever I am at my parent’s home – but I never had to worry about how I would remember him – he is a part of my every day.

He has influenced so much of who I am today, how J and I raise our children, how we value family and relationships, how we observe our Judaism. I know how proud he would be of all of us today, knowing that he had a hand in raising all of us and the decisions we make today as adults.

That other song that comes to mind is one that he used to sing: My Zayde 
But Zayde made us laugh,
Zayde made us sing,

And Zayde made a kiddush Friday night;

And Zayde, oh, my Zayde,How I loved him so,
And Zayde used to teach me wrong from right

So much has happened in the past 4 years, his absence has truly been felt…from the birth of E, to RD & D’s wedding, and DR & A’s wedding, Lolo’s graduation from graduate school, DR & DL’s graduations from law school, JP on Broadway, JP’s engagement to A, Lolo’s engagement to P, Unc on birthright, Bob and Belle learning to read Torah, all the teeth that have been lost and so many other everyday happenings where we would love to just pick up the phone and share it with him…

Happy Birthday George. We love you and we miss you everyday – but we know you are watching over us and all we do. From the tick-tock of the clock to kiddush Friday night and everything in between, you are a part of us and we are your amazing legacy.

Grandpa and me 1975
Grandma, Grandpa and Me 1977

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Eulogy I gave at Grandpa’s Funeral – 8-15-08

When thinking of Grandpa J, we think of a strong man, with strong values and strong opinions. Grandpa J was not shy about telling us, or anyone, his opinion. Everything he did, and all the choices he made were made with the best intentions and with his bubie – children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren in mind.
We as his grandchildren learned much from him – but most importantly, the importance of family relationships. Grandpa, weather he meant to or not taught us that family time, through traveling and spending chagim together, create our most important memories and bonds. We as siblings, in groups, of three – EJ, SJ and RD – Lolo, Unc and me – JP, DR and DL, have emulated  the relationships our parents have modeled with each other…but we as cousins – all 9 of us – and now with the addition of our spouses – have a relationship that many siblings can only dream of.
As I stand here today– I can still here him say Hi Lissa Pooh as he answers the phone. Just in that right voice of his – in recent years it has been, how many kids do you have now? 4 – FOUR! You knocked out FOUR kids…but when I think Grandpa J, that isn’t what I remember.
I remember walking to the bathroom from my yellow room in their house – and hearing someone say, “is that a mouse I hear??” “a large mouse!”
Climbing into bed between Grandma and Grandpa and Grandpa trying to warm his toes on me – a talent I have inherited. I remember Grandpa rubbing his stubbly face on mine. And him smelling my cheek.
I remember watching fireworks out of the bedroom window after4th of July baseball games, and listening to airplanes overhead – by the direction grandpa knew where they were headed.
I remember sitting on the spinny stool in his office watching him work on everyone’s mouths. And I remember yelling at him to put both hands back on the wheel as he clapped to his chazonish music in the car.
I remember walking to shul with Grandpa and sitting on the wrong side of the mechitzah on his lap – with all the men, with the boys getting up to sing Anim Zemirot – and the bar mitzvah reading Torah – he would say, “Lissa Pooh, you are going to be do that soon.” The irony escaped me then,but he believed I would – and though it was at a very different shul, without a mechitzah – I did.
I remember walking to the record store, to buy my Aficoman present – Sader Party that has become infamous over these years and that Grandma B was able to bring back to us last year.
I don’t know if the other grandchildren know this – and I’m pretty sure my kids don’t – but Grandpa was way ahead of his time – maybe 4 or5 decades – with recycling. Grandpa used to type letters and notes on envelopes that he pulled out of his trash can in his office.
Long before the 75 year old Grandpa J mastered the world of“web-tv” 10 years ago, Grandpa wrote letters to congressmen and senators,presidents and vice presidents alike – and when that standard form letter came back he believed that people like the likes of President Regan were really writing to him. Boy were we concerned when his ability to mail out letters multiplied exponentially by the power of the forward button.
Grandpa J loved each one of us, in his own way. There were times when he was hard on each one of us – but grandpa truly believed that it was his responsibility, as the Dad, as the Grandpa and as the Zayde– like Moshe Rabeinu taught – to make sure his children all lived up to the best of their potential.
(Bob) – “the one with brains” you are named after Zayde‘s cousin Jack. Zayde loved your love of Judaism and your inquisitiveness, and your love for knowledge and reading. May you think not only of Hashem every time you “put a kippah on your head” – but Zayde also.
(Belle) – “the smart blonde one” – you are named after Zayde‘s brother Uncle Eli, Yechielle  – he loved your sensitive nature and how you sat and talked with him, and I loved the way you had patience and reminded me very much of my relationship with Zayde when I was your age.
(Bean) – “little girl” – you are named after Grandpa G –who anytime his name was mentioned Zayde said, he was such a nice man. Zayde judged character – he knew when he liked someone – and your are someone who is special and sensitive to others’ emotions.
(Puppy) – “gan eden” – you are named for the praise to god of having achieved the garden of eden, paradise – with four healthy children. You are the youngest of all of Zayde‘s 8 great grandchildren. What paradise Zayde was able to achieve – a loving beautiful wife of 63 years, 5 wonderful children,– 11 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren.
My wish for my children is that you remember the relationship you had with your Zayde – and that you strive each day to be the best person, friend and family member you can be.
May we all live healthy long lives full joy, knowledge and compassion – living life to it’s fullest.

New Favorite Holiday

My favorite holiday used to be Passover, but that changed back in 2007. So for the past five years I have been trying to create new traditions for my “new favorite holiday,” Shavuot. Shavuot starts 7 weeks after the first day of Passover. It tends to be a lesser known Jewish holiday – maybe because as a friend recently said it is after most of the learning during the school year is done, or maybe because only 7 weeks after all the work of passover another holiday is almost too much to think about.

5 years ago we made our way to Bethany Beach – we rented a house with NES (who was pregnant with L), her lovely husband M, and E who at the time was 16 months old. It was a testament to our friendship – can  you imagine 9 of us, in a 3 bedroom house for a week – two of the days being holidays with NO TV or electronics of any type. It is one of my favorite memories.

And then we did it again the next year! L was almost 6 months old and this time with 10 of us in one house

It is amazing to know we have people in our lives that we choose to spend time with and see benefits all around! I think that trip with Bob and L really began their love affair. This is one of my favorite pictures! (He wanted her to look at the camera).

Unfortunately in 2009 things got more difficult Bean got sick, and over the weekend of Shavuot we were in Vancouver and Seattle for J’s Grandma’s funeral. And we didn’t get our “get-away.” In 2010 while we got to cohabitate with NES and family we didn’t get our “get-away” either. Rinse repeat 2011 sans the baby and snow – though we did get to spend a Shabbat at NES’s home in November.

One of my favorite traditions from our Beach Shavuot was fondue, the boyz men didn’t like it as much as NES and I, but they put up with us. So while we haven’t gone away the past few years, we have brought a little bit of the beach memory/tradition to our home.

Gather 3 fondue pots, 7 children and 4 adults and you have my favorite ingredients for my new favorite holiday! For the past few years we have done just that.

Not going away has blessed us with the opportunity to add new friends to our tradition – we have welcomed  S and M and Little SJ. So make that 8 children and 6 adults.

And while it isn’t a “get-away” it is nice to know that we have friends who “get” us, accept us and have helped create new traditions and memories for my new favorite holiday.

I look forward to Shavuot 2013 – when it is only a few days past Mother’s day. Maybe we will “get-away” maybe we won’t – but the Minhag has been set – fondue and friends are on the menu.

It has been a while…18 months!

It has been 18 months since I last put my fingers on this keyboard. Much has happened – much has stayed the same.

When we returned from our trip to Israel the transition wasn’t so easy. I was worried if I put it down on paper it was going to be real. Well, clearly it was all real, so it didn’t matter if I wrote or not. And then time happened.

What I will say is:

I am so fortunate to have an amazing husband and life partner…father of my children. Don’t get me wrong – he can for sure be a boy at times – but after 12.5 years of marriage – I know and appreciate all I have in my best friend.

Bob is in 5th grade and doing beautifully academically and socially. His anxiety is still high -but he is really great. He can be the best big brother, friend and son anyone could wish for…but when he is anxious or frustrated – the three siblings had best watch out – especially Belle.

Belle is in 4th grade and I can’t even begin to express how amazing she is. She is helpful, cooperative, doing AMAZINGLY well academically and SOCIALLY. Who.would.have.thought? No – not me! Are there times we want to rip our hair out or light a proverbial fire under her tush – for sure, but what a long way we have come.

Bean is in 2nd grade and she amazing…amazingly perfect and school and amazingly difficult at home. She too can be helpful and cooperative – but the sassy-ness comes in and sometimes I don’t know which child I am going to get. You know what they say about the little girl with a curl? That is Bean.

Puppy is in kindergarten – he too is doing amazingly academically – the teachers are thrilled with his reading ability, math and analytical thinking. Socially one on one – fantastic! Bring in an unexpected transition, a class with noise or chaos…someone in his physical space or messing with his things…or a perceived threat – all rational stuff goes out the window, along with his behavior. Knowing how we have made it through to a much better place with Belle, gives me the strength that there will be a light at a break in the tunnel ahead.

I think I am not going to recap the past 18 months, I think I will move forward. At some point we can talk family weddings, engagements, pregnancies (NOT MINE) and the addition of a puppy into our home!

But for now….Happy April 18, 2012. I hope to be able to take the time for myself to write again.

Pay it forward

We have 4 children.
Our children were all born within 4 years and 10 months of each other.
We know how fortunate we are that we can say “planned it” this way.

Lolo and Unc are 10 and 11 years younger than I am (respectively), if we were able to influence it, J and I wanted our children to be close in age – to have each other from their earliest memory.

Bob and Belle are 16 months apart
Belle and Bean are 18 months apart
Bean and Puppy are 22 months apart

It hasn’t always been easy, but I have an amazing life partner, parenting partner, an amazing man I call my husband. Our kids have their moments, we have our moments. But together we have navigated this world of parenting….from the looks of it, we are doing ok.

Bob reading Franklin and the Tooth Fairy to Belle – 1-14-07

Belle reading Are you My Mother to Bean – 3-19-08

Bean reading Hop on Pop to Puppy – 3-9-10
 

What a blessed life we lead. What miracles we have create.
May they be there for each other every step of the way all the days of their lives.

Hockey Night in JYAA!

J is a Canadian. This means the boy didn’t grow up with baseball (go Yankees!) like I did, or even basketball and football – he grew up with Hockey, to be more specific, Canucks Hockey.

To be honest, it is one of the reasons I married him. No, not cause he loves hockey, but because he could care less about the other sports, and really had no interest in watching hockey unless it was CANUCKS hockey. Living in the DC area, out of the country and timezone of the Canucks, not many games are televised here. “Woo Hoo!!”

See, I grew up in a house with a dad and brother (mostly my brother) who watch sports…every sport, just didn’t matter…it was a sport. I love them dearly, but didn’t want that for my household.

So heavily weighted on my husband check list was this “not so interested in sports” gene. And J got a check!!

Women plan, and god laughs.

Who knew that the “love of and need to watch every sports gene” would get to Bob through my dad and brother all the way in NY? Not me, that is FOR SURE! Bob, from VERY early on has had this love/need/obsession. But it isn’t one sport, or even major sports….it is everything.

He’ll start with Baseball (go Yankees!! then maybe Nationals), then move to football (go Giants! then maybe Redskins) then to Hockey (go Canucks, then maybe Capitals) or basketball as necessary (go Wizards, then maybe the Knicks).

But the child doesn’t stop there if there isn’t one of those sports (any team) on, he’ll move to Tennis, Golf, Bowling, Swimming, Running if it is a sporting event competition of any sort…he will watch it.

What I didn’t know was that the “love of and need to watch every sports gene” could work retroactively…or could be latent. See as soon as Bob really got into it, J started watching with him, and is no longer the guy I married the guy who could “care less about the other sports, and really had no interest in watching hockey unless it was CANUCKS hockey.” Talk about bait and switch!

Last night my boyz – J and Bob, got into bed to watch a rarely televised Canucks game, for the record, I do not begrudge him the Canucks…I knew this one before I married him!

A bit into it, for the first time, Puppy joined them. There they sat in bed together watching – when Puppy asks:

“How do the boys get out?!?!”

Maybe there is hope yet for him!

People who get it.

Bob woke up this morning, and not unlike him he complained of a headache and being dizzy. We sent him back to brush his teeth, get dressed, and make his bed..unlike most days he listened! Something was wrong. Few minutes later I found him on top of his made bed, fully clothed back asleep. After a temp reading of 102.4 it was confirmed.

We went off to the Dr. to get him checked out. After a quick look over and a swab Dr. G walked into the room and said with a wink and a smile: “We have a firm diagnosis! It’s strep.” It was music to my ears.

Dr. G got it. Just one short year ago a fever, a fever of unknown origin wreaked havoc on our family and (according to the nurses and office staff) our two loving pediatricians!

Don’t get me wrong, I hate when any of my children are sick or not feeling well. But a firm diagnosis, a diagnosis that a course of antibiotic, blee eyen harrah, will be have him 100%, is a fantastic feeling.

Seeing Dr. G smile and acknowledge the beauty of a “simple” firm diagnosis and wonders of antibiotics in a caring and not belittling way…reconfirms my love for this practice.

Feel better Bob…and thanks Dr. G.

Planets shift alignment…

Puppy had his allergy testing today. 4 scratch spots on his back – he’s allergic to nothing! What does it all mean…guess the boy can have milk…after almost 4 years…talk about realignment – we went out for milkshakes!!

He did have an off day after the testing. (OK he got his H1N1 after it too). He cried all the way to school, and all the way into school – it was very sad. Even on the way home he continued to be sad.

The older kids tried to help distract him. Belle says to him – “Puppy where do you live?” Puppy answers – “Earf!!”

Bob then says to him – “Puppy where do Grammy and Grandpa live?” Puppy answers – “Mars!!”

It all came full circle.

Taking stock…

Tonight I was helping Bob with a project for school. Tomorrow he is giving a presentation to his 3rd grade class about the portion of the bible that is read in synagouge this weekend. It is the story of Abraham, the angels, the story of Lot and his wife – the birth of Isaac and the almost sacrafice of Isaac. He is giving this presentation 100% in Hebrew.

Bob has done a great job. The other night he sat and wrote the entire thing in English – then translated it into Hebrew. Reviewed it with his teacher and tonight I offered to help him re-write it as his handwriting is not the clearest.

As I began to pen the second page my first born son turned to me and said: “Mommy, I really appreciate your helping me – I love you!”

Should I say that again:
“Mommy, I really appreciate your helping me – I love you!”

We all hope that our children appreciate what we do for them…that if they don’t today, maybe they will some day….but today, my son appreciated it today…AND TOLD me.

May this moment sink in and may the memory stay close to the top layer…especially the next time he says: “I hate you Mommy!!” … But as for today, November 5th 2009…my son said:
“Mommy, I really appreciate your helping me – I love you!”

New Adventure

Bean has been sick…should I go back to December 2008. A co-worker mentioned that my kids don’t get sick…that I never seem to take a sick day because of my kids…talk about a kinahurra. First was Bean on December 30th – 102.5 fever and croup! By New Years Eve we had sick children…4 sick children!

So they recovered…in time for Bean’s birthday – she turned 5 on January 5th!

And MLK weekend happened…it was supposed to have her birthday party the morning of the 18th. We had spent a lovely Shabbat at the M&M R’s and a lovely lunch at L&M R’s – Sunday we got up to make a cake for the party. 30 minutes into it Bean started vomiting – she perched herself on the couch – and we had to postpone her party…we decided to wait two weeks, and re-schedule it for February 1st. Bob got the bug on the 19th – and was able to stay home at watch the inauguration on the 20th…Puppy got it on Tuesday the 20th – Bean was back to school that day…and on the 21st Belle got it!!

On the 22nd – Bean got 103.5 fever. She said everything hurts. We thought she got the flu! It was the first time in my children’s lives that I missed getting them their flu shot. We took her to the ped – wasn’t strep. In-laws were here – we tried to do the normal stuff – motrin made a trip to the Silver Diner and Air and Space museum doable.

January 28th we took Bean back to the ped – for more blood work. My best friend had her baby on the 31st and we planned to go to NJ for the bris. February 3rd we were back at ped for more bloodwork…she STILL had a fever!

On February 4th – Bob’s birthday I took Bean with me to get candles for Bob’s birthday at school – walking out of the store Bean fell to the ground, her legs fell out from underneath her…she couldn’t walk.

That afternoon we got the call to have her admitted to Children’s Hospital (during a terrible meeting at work – different story line). We chose to go to Silver Diner with the kids for Bob’s birthday, Bean was doing ok – and it seemed unfair to Bob’s to not celebrate after we went to have her admitted… Mom came down to help.

I spent the first night with Bean in the hospital. Early morning blood draw – beeping machine of the baby next to us. On February 5th Bean had a chest xray, and two separate parts of a bone scan. The bone scan without sedation…first kid in the hospital to do so!!

We were hoping it was “just pneumonia!”

I spent the second night with her at the hospital. I got no sleep that night, but she did. Grammy came to visit at the hospital, and I tried to get a shower…they were broken!!

J brought the kids down to see Bean before Shabbat. They got to spend some time together before mom took them home. I stayed for the optomatrist visit. And then went home to sleep while J stayed with her. We missed Baby B’s bris…sad and overwhelming on many levels.

It was Saturday, February 7th and Bean walked for the first time in days!! I stayed with her that night.

Grammy came down to be with her on Sunday. And slept over. It was the first time in a while J and I got to be with the other kids together.

Monday the 8th Bean had an MRI….and Grammy had to go back to NY.

Tuesday, February 9th Infectious Disease says they are done with her – on to Reumatology!

Wednesday, February 10th J brought all the kids for dinner at the hosptal. Bean was feeling a bit better. It was nice to be together!!

By Ferbruary 11th we were giving been 5 doses of oral liquid meds a day. She was hurling thing and going crazy. Not the easiest of patients.

And then we had to cancel our trip to California for cousin R’s bat mitzvah. I wrote that day: “overwhelmed by the irony missing last year’s pres weekend flight for snow- and this year for fever (thought it is 65)…this weekend doesn’t have good luck!”

That day Bean said she was done watching tv! Ever heard of such a thing?!?

Belle lost her first tooth….Bob was her tooth fairy! And I missed the kids Cubs Club performances.

On February 12th I took Bean for her last invasive test. The bone marrow test. We needed to rule out the worst. The kids all came straight from school and played with Bean in the playroom. And then the news came….it was NOT Leukemia!! We were all going home. No diagnosis…but a plan.

February 26th we took Bean for a follow up at Children’s with Dr. J. We were able to start tapering off her prednisone.

May 7th J took Bean back to Children’s with Dr. J. He reported back: “Best…Dr.Appt…EVER!! I posted on Facebook:

It looks like we might be ARTHRITIS FREE!! She is off meds and we don’t need to go back unless symptoms come back!! “Best Dr. Appt EVER is right!”

June 4th Bean complained of her knees “not working.”

June 16th Bean “graduated” from pre-school. I posted on facebook: “got teary eyed at Bean’s graduation…watching her move and shake while dancing…4 months ago I wasn’t sure she would move like this again…thank god for miracles!”

August 4th Bean had 104 fever – I took her into Dr. C – he said we were looking for

“good news like a UTI or ear infection!”

Neither were true, no other symptoms – looked like a repeat fever with unknown origin. It left as fast as it came.

September 21st 1:30am – we returned from a trip to NY, Bean could not climb into her bed. She had a 102 fever, couldn’t walk so well. She stayed home the next day with a swollen left knee, & fever. We took her in for blood work on the 22nd, we put her on Naproxen.

September 24th Bean returned to school. The school agreed to take her back even with her fever, knowing that she wasn’t contagious. But not only did she have a fever, and a swollen knee – her fingers hurt and 6 of them were swollen. They didn’t even look like they belonged on her hands.

October 5th Bean continued to have a fever of 100.2 she was down 4lbs, fingers & knees are hurting…sed rate is up to 80… we were STILL praying the naproxen to starts to work & we could avoid steroids.

October 6th Bean dressed herself and skipped out the door on her own, for the first time in 3 weeks. I posted on facebook:

“There may be a light towards the end of this tunnel…hope the next tunnel is FAR FAR AWAY!”

October 8th I took Bean back to Children’s for more blood work and to be seen by the new rheumatologist, Dr. H.

October 9th Dr. H called to report back on the findings, give us a diagnosis and outline for me the next steps. I posted on facebook:

We got a diagnosis. Systemic juvenile idiopathic arthritis. We pray that Bean is one of the 1/3 of children who will outgrow this debilitating disease….and for the strength to make the best decisions as far as medicine to treat her condition…and for the strength to tolerate her behavior on steroids!!